To feel once more.

We come into this world wide open and full of love, still somewhat aware of where we have come from. That’s why being around infants is so joyful, pure, and uplifting. However, the initial shock of entering this realm can already begin the shutting-down process, and it varies for everyone. We are all unique, each embarking on our very own soul journeys.

With this open heart, and only knowing love, we assume everyone else around us is doing the same. But this is not the case, and it is by design. The aim is to carry that open heart and acceptance through this realm, back out to the other side. I recently heard that our spirits are recognised in higher realms as the spirits of love and freedom. I love this idea. To constantly seek the balance of love and freedom—what a mission!

I can genuinely feel the presence of this open heart when I’m around babies and young children. Walking through a supermarket, I might suddenly feel warmth, love, and joy, only to turn around and see a baby beaming a smile at my back. It can take my breath away, trying to contain my smile back, not to freak anyone out. I always give a little nod of acknowledgment, welcoming them to this world and letting them know that it’s all going to be okay. However, not all infants exhibit this openness; I don’t know why, but I’ve noticed that some very young children seem already closed off and shut down emotionally. As I mentioned, we each come in with unique soul journeys.

As each year passes, we gradually close our hearts. Keeping them wide open can be confusing and may lead to significant pain. We learn to shut down our emotions, playing a game of safety and survival. By around the age of seven, regardless of our parents’ intentions, we have considerably closed our hearts, attempting to manage in this seemingly brutal world while allowing just enough light in to survive. This varies greatly depending on our experiences.

I believe this process is intentional; there is no avoiding it. The journey we are all asked to take is to reclaim the innocence of a child while integrating the wisdom of adulthood. We must forget so that we can remember, as the biblical passage suggests: “Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.”

Neil Kramer used to liken this to a camera's aperture. At birth, it is wide open, but as we get older, it slowly closes down, allowing only the smallest amount of light in. This is why we primarily feel things that are significant and immediate; more subtle experiences often go unfelt.

Moments like the death of a loved one, the birth of a child, or first love, sex—these powerful experiences penetrate that small aperture, allowing some feeling and light in. We may even create extreme situations just to feel something. All the while, we may not realise that if we simply opened our hearts, we could experience connection, wonder, and love from something as simple as a falling leaf.

I had no idea how closed my heart was. Over time, we do this gradually and don’t even notice what we no longer feel. This is normal, almost encouraged, especially in the UK—“Stiff upper lip,” “Keep calm and carry on,” “Don’t cry,” “Don’t bring up the past,” “Just get on with it.” These phrases reflect our belief that avoiding pain is beneficial. It almost makes sense; why would we want to dwell in feelings of pain?

Yet the truth is, we can only experience joy to the extent that we have felt and released pain. When the heart is open, it must feel it all; you can’t have one without the other. As Carl Jung said, “No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.”

I initially rejected this idea, assuming I was fine and didn’t need to confront old pains or emotions. What I couldn’t see at the time was that I hadn’t avoided them; I had buried them, and they were guiding my every action. It was even harder to see this because, on the surface, my life looked pretty good. I achieved the things I wanted and reached my goals. So why look any deeper? My journey required me to map these achievements, only to realise how empty they left me—a surface-level joy, nothing more.

Anxiety and depression eventually taught me that I wanted more from life—a depth I was lacking. This was my initial break, leading me to find more balance. I began to see my life in new ways. It felt liberating; new opportunities opened up, and new people entered my life. Yet, at some point, I got stuck. I could still feel a numbness. Finding stability was just the starting point for venturing deeper within. To go inward and feel the old emotions that were never fully processed requires a significant breaking down—ultimately, of who we think we are. This foundation I’d created was for this purpose; I’d say it’s necessary. I had carved out enough time and space to do this work. I was now, reluctantly ready.

It wasn’t easy. I’ve written about this experience in my blog, RAW. To feel is everything. We often avoid feelings that can never harm us, favouring distractions like drugs, alcohol, sex, extreme sports, or a busy lifestyle. We keep ourselves constantly occupied, anything to escape feeling. This avoidance can lead to ill health or worse, all to evade the one thing that can never harm us: feelings. The only death it brings is to the notion that you are not good enough.

Denial and blame are two sides of the same coin. Only when we accept how something truly made us feel can we stop flipping that coin and choose our own path—no longer leaving it to chance.

We are unbreakable; only the outer shell can be broken. What dwells beneath is always whole and pure, as untouched as the day we arrived. We love everything and everyone; we’ve simply become confused and believe we don’t. Previous pain has led us to this deception.

I still find myself trying to avoid feelings. But now, this recognition is a win. I notice my avoidance, which allows me to let the feelings in—or, should I say, let them through. These old emotions were just trapped, waiting to be released. I never even noticed this before. Learning to observe and recognise how I avoid and distract is key.

The talks I give all point to this acceptance of what is. We must cultivate enough self-awareness to slowly notice our patterns of avoidance and beliefs, finding the true essence that rests in the stillness and silence of our being.

To learn to feel again is the greatest gift we can give. Once you open your heart, it allows the next soul to open just a little bit more. We are now grown and have the ability to understand and see these old emotions for what they truly are. The less you carry, the freer you are to roam this earth, creating peace as you now possess it within. All the pain and suffering in this world stem from our lack of connection to the divine, our belief that we are not pure love, and the idea that we can withhold our love from this world. This constriction creates disharmony—a lie that breeds deceit, confusion, and ultimately more pain. Feeling is freedom; you no longer need to fear it. Freedom breeds love.

So go on, open up your heart, and let it all in.

MC